Solipsism
by caylender
Summary: Solipsism: extreme preoccupation with and indulgence of one's feelings, desires, memories etc. Solipsism is also how Artemis copes after Wally's death in End Game while everyone else worries about her. One shot. R&R!


All right, here's a one shot about Artemis and her coping mechanism after Wally's death in End Game. I got the idea from one of my lit classes last semester. I hope you all enjoy it. :)

Yes, the cover image is my flash drive... Get it? FLASH drive?

Disclaimer: I really don't own these characters. If I did, Wally - not Barry - would be the central speedster in the New 52-verse... and Pied Piper would be in every issue...

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"Artemis, I'm a little concerned for you. I know it's tough - we all miss him. I miss him. However, I think you're too absorbed in your solipsism that you're not actually living your life."

"What's that supposed to mean, Kaldur?"

"You're too involved in your memories. It is as though you are not even here in the real world anymore."

"So what? I'm crazy now?"

She remembers how Kaldur calmly shook his head as he responded. "I did not say crazy. I only mean that maybe it is not healthy to be more invested in your own memories than in the real world - your actual life."

Solipsism - the dictionary describes it as this:

Solipsism_ Noun_

_Latin roots_

_1.__Philosophy _. the theory that only the self exists, or can be proved to exist. One's mind is the only thing that is real

**2.** extreme preoccupation with and indulgence of one's feelings, desires, memories, etc.; egoistic self-absorption.

However, Kaldur had held a more specific definition in mind when he said that Artemis is too absorbed in her solipsism to actually live her life. He meant that Artemis obsesses over her own memories to the point that she actually lives through her old experiences rather than in the real world. She prefers her past life - before the undercover mission that lives in infamy and would eventually result in that June 20th…

But really, she wonders, why is her apparent solipsism such a bad thing? Why is she crazy just because she prefers her memories over the 'real world'?

Anyways, it's not like the "real world" is all that great. Every day another crisis pops up; it's NEVER over; it NEVER ends.

Every day someone dies. Whether that someone is a hero (_Dove, his name was Don; he fought side-by-side with his brother his whole life, and then before her eyes, he's bleeding out onto his white uniform while his brother holds him in his arms, alternating between cursing the villains and pleading with every known entity for his brother's life. Artemis felt more than a little jealous that Hawk actually was able to comfort his brother before the end; she never saw Wally's death coming…_) or a civilian (_the little redheaded boy - no more than 8 years-old- refuses to open his eyes, and his heart refuses to start beating once again as she sobs, pushing on his chest; Kaldur in his infinite wisdom holds her and takes her away from the prying eyes of her teammates_.), someone always dies. Really, Kaldur should understand this. Whether it's **Jason** or **Tula** or even…

_A yellow and red blur streaks by her before looping back, slowing down, and stopping in front of her. When he is almost perfectly still (because when was Wally ever perfectly still?), she could distinguish red hair, green eyes, and a slight smattering of freckles. She grabs his wrist and pulls him into an alleyway._

_The team had just about finished fighting the baddie; they don't need Wally and Artemis. Once they were out of view, she reaches up and pulls off his cowl. His goggles fly off and land somewhere behind him. His hair sticks up everywhere; it's getting long, she muses. He grins at her, and she could love him alone for that grin. It's cocky and arrogant, but it's also flirty and sweet, revealing his intelligence and caring nature. She really has no idea how one grin can achieve all of that, but his manages it - a thousand times over. _

"_If you really just want to take my suit off, I'm sure I could find us a room."_

_He wiggles his eyebrows, suggestively at her. At least, he means it suggestively, but this action always makes Artemis laugh since Wally's ears would always twitch and wiggle in tandem, too._

She shakes her head. "Real life," Kaldur had told her, "is what is important, not memories."

Real life where death is omnipresent. W here the world is crime-ridden and crumbling down spectacularly. Real life where Wally is dead and gone. And he will never come back.

_She lies in bed, and there he is beside her. She shifts and rests her head on his bare chest, right over his heart. She revels in the warmth, being emitted by him. His heartbeat is steady and calm; although, it's slightly faster than her own since he's a speedster. _

_ Reaching a hand over his chest, she places a finger tip on one of his freckles near his collarbone; she traces an imaginary route all over his chest; her finger skirts in between freckles. She smiles when she sees goose bumps form all over his skin from her gentle touch - her careful cartograph of his chest. _

_ Even in his sleep, he grins a little grin and wrinkles his nose._

"Memories are not always reliable," Kaldur had warned her. "They can be altered by any telepath. The mind is breachable and vulnerable. But you can alter your own memories, too: emphasizing small details, downplaying important ones. You can completely change your perception of an event with how you chose to remember the details."

She knows what he is implying here. She's crazy, right? So of course, she'll make Wally utterly perfect in her memories. She almost laughs at the implications. Apparently, in her mind, Wally is stationed upon a red, velvet cushion on a pedestal on the highest pinnacle of her memories. He is untainted: the most handsome and the most intelligent.

And that's why, some of her teammates began whispering, she fails to automatically find another boyfriend. (It had been over a year, Megan had pointed out to her.) She subconsciously compares every man to Wally.

Not him - Wally was cuter.

Definitely not - Wally was more intelligent, especially since that guy wouldn't be able to find his way out of a paper grocery bag.

Nope - Wally was more quirky.

Yeah, right - Wally had redder hair.

No way - Wally was way clumsier than that guy.

It might be true that she compares everyone to Wally to an extent, but can anyone really blame her? Wally was the love of her life; he was perfect for her. However, Artemis is not so delusional that she recalls Wally as a perfect person. Even if he wasn't perfect, he was perfect for her.

He was cocky.

He was a flirt.

He was too impulsive and reckless.

He had a disgusting appetite.

He left his socks in the middle of their sitting room.

But even if he hadn't been perfect, he had improved over the years.

Yes, he still was cocky, but he lost a large part of that as he grew up. He became humble as a result of living and running (literally) in Barry's shadow - not to mention what Bart's presence had made him realize.

She knows that he didn't flirt with any girl besides her after they began to date. He had been completely infatuated with her. She remembers how hurt he was when she briefly broke up with him during his senior year. His freckled, tear-stained face with red rimmed eyes flitted into her mind from the night she had told him she wanted them to break up. His apologies rang in her ears; his voice cracking slightly as he pleaded with her to forgive him and to take him back. _Please, Artemis, I'll be a better boyfriend. I'll remember Valentine's Day!_ But that was Wally, wasn't it? He was his own person; he didn't necessarally need her, but he was better with her. And maybe that was her, too; she liked herself more after they started dating. She knows how most people define him with her…

He still possessed his impulsive side as he aged, but it was less. Yes, he still had suited up to help Barry in a last minute team up against Neuron; however, he had planned every detail of how he would propose to Artemis - complete with a labeled diagram. She knows this because she found the diagram and the little black velvet ring box in the bottom of his sock drawer. He had also been in the midst of researching life insurance and planning his life with her.

Over the years, her ability to better stomach his insane metabolism complimented his efforts of trying to appear as less of a slob.

He never learned how to put his socks into the laundry basket. For a couple of weeks after that June 20th, a pair sat in front of their couch - dirty and unclaimed.

She loved him for his faults. For his wiggling ears. For his freckled skin. For his chipped front tooth. For his somewhat crooked smile. She still loves him for his faults. She loves him for being himself.

"Reality," Kaldur had stated. "Reality is what is important."

Reality… with its death, its destruction. With its thousands of tears. With its broken families, broken lives, broken loves. With its shattered people. Reality with its mixed standards, where people idolize Romeo and Juliet, the poster children for everlasting relationships but where people expect you to move on if your Wally dies… Reality.

Why should she concern herself with all of the small, insignificant details that pertain to life? They remind her of the pointless facts school had required kids to learn about tree frogs. Why? Is it really all that important for her to keep tabs on Connor and Megan's helter skelter romance?

Why can't Wally be her reality?

Why can't she imagine his cheerful voice, whispering her name as she wakes up in the morning, not fully aware during that blessed time when she forgets, and he is really home with her.

Why can't she disappear into her memories where every night, she can fall asleep on his chest and listen to the metronomic beats of his heart?

Solpsism does describe her; however, maybe it is better to find solace in memories than it is to face this brutal reality. In this brutal reality, she cannot even hide in his warmth. She is alone.

Solipsism

Noun

Latin roots

1. Kaldur: hiding in one's memories, a type of denial

2. M'gann: not taking enough active interest in the people around her.

3. Artemis: A better way to be.

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Please, review! I'm relatively new to the Young Justice part of this site, so I'd love some pointers


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